Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
