hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
