Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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