ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
