i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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