Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think my moral compass just broke
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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