you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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