hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My vagina just recognized that song.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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