Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
