Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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