You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nutella sex= disaster
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
