last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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