some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
