I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
