bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
