I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
