were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana