I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
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When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.