Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life