hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
