Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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