onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
