I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
