and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
false alarm, still single
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