It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
And then he peed in my hair
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