you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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