do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
