Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
