Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
