Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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