Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
