6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
