i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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