WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are we still banned from the library?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
