I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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