Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
