'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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