yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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