I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
