I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
