you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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