thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
