sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So squirting runs in the family.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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