I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
