wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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