her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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