she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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