It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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