Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
