i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Shame - the story of my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
