I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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