the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
