"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was born a porn star she said
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
