Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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