I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
