So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
