she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
