Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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