so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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