Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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