just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
