At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
