in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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