I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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