There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
