I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
