Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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