Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
