You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
