so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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