before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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